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TELEPHONE ON PODIUM: (Rings)

Hello. President Bush? Yeah, right! Umm, President Dubbya Bush? *Gulp* Oh wow! Yes Sir!

Of course, Sir. You want me to wash the steps of the White House once a month for the next four years?

No Problem, Mr. President, Sir. I'll get right on it - for the next four years? Is that all? Fine, Mr. President, it's an honor Sir. No, thank YOU Mr. President. (Hang up)

----------------------------------> Ring

Hello. Sister <Relief Society President>? How are you? Oh, I'm just dandy, thank you. What's that? You need me to take Sister Smith all the way to <name a town 4-5 hours away> and back next Thursday. How long do you think that would take Sister <Relief Society President>? ALL day? Sister <Relief Society President>, I can't do that. I will be busy that day. Maybe you can find someone else to do it, okay? Good-bye. (Hang up)

Hmmm. Why would Sister <Relief Society President> think I could just take off like that and go to <town>? Doesn't she know how far that is from here? And with Sister Smith! She'd be yammering my ear off all the way there, and even worse on the way back, about all her aches and pains and never once ask me about mine. No, Ma'am, I just don't do those sorts of things. That's really expecting a bunch of me.

-------------------------> Ring

Hello. Steven Spielberg? YOU'RE calling ME? Me? Are you sure you wanted to speak with me? You want me to do WHAT? But, I've never acted before, just a few roadshows for the Church. You're sure? Okay, I'll come to Hollywood. I should be able to get myself on a plane in about a month? Tomorrow? Oh! Okay, sure I'll be there. Wouldn't miss this opportunity for anything. Thank you. No, Thank you VERY much. (Hang up)

Wait til my friends hear this! Hollywood!!!!

----------------------------> Ring

Hello. HEAVENLY Father? Heavenly………are you sure it's me you needed to call? You needed something from me? But, I'm not very good at anything. Mostly I just do the things that I'M comfortable with.

(Pause) Oh, you mean when President Dubbya Bush called? Yeah, well I told him I would. (Pause) Why? Well, after all, he IS the President of the United States.

(Pause) You also know about Sister <Relief Society President>'s call. Well, Heavenly Father, to be honest with you, I REALLY don't get along very well with Sister Smith. And to be stuck in the car with her for over five hours, all the way there and all the way back, it would drive me crazy. You know she would just be complaining about all her aches and pains. You'd think she would keep things like that to herself, but oh no, there she would go blabbering all the way. And then she'd get on the subject of how badly she misses her dear husband. And then it would be how she's not able to get around so well anymore to do her housework, and then I would start feeling guilty about not doing anything for her. It would drive me nuts.
(Pause) Oh. (Pause) You also know about the phone call from Hollywood. But… (Pause) but, you see that would be the chance of a life time to go to Hollywood and get a part in his latest movie. You know all his movies are hits - a whole new life for me.

(Pause) Heavenly Father, are you still there? Was there something you wanted to ask me? (Pause) Do I know where my values are? Or my priorities? (Pause) Do I love you? You KNOW I do. I am your daughter and you have given me so much. Of COURSE I'm grateful.

Sheep? What shee.... (Pause) you want me to feed them? You're asking me to go on a mission? (Pause) Oh, not into the mission field. Then, where? (Pause) Here? In <ward/branch>? But, we have four full time missionaries already, I don't understand.

Visiting Teaching? Well, I go when I can… (Pause) Well, umm, I guess I could TRY once a month. (Pause) The Visiting Teaching Message? Well, no, I just go and chat about the weather, Sister Smith's moans and groans, Brother Brown's snoring in Sacrament meeting, and the Johnsons trip Disney World on the Sabbath. (Pause) It isn't? Well, no. Now that you mention it, I guess it isn't.

(Pause) How long? Usually about 45 minutes - sometimes for an hour or two. (Pause) Oh, I don't know if they had anything else to do? (Pause) I Didn't ask? Sorry, Heavenly Father. (Pause) We should what? Oh, be SENsitive about how much time we take. Yes, I can be more sensitive of the time.

(Pause) Pray with my companion? No, should we? (Pause) Well, yes, we do know it's YOUR program, and you are always there... (Pause) umm… I see.

(Pause) Take a gift or a card? Whoa now, that's 4 people we're talking about, I don't think I can afford that every month! (Pause) Yes, I can draw a little. (Pause) Yes, I'm sure I have some pretty ribbons somewhere. (Pause) Yes, I have colored markers and drawing paper and scissors. (Pause) Do I have imagination? Bake? Cookies? Well, yes, I guess I can. How long is this supposed to take? (Pause) Well, yes, I know it's only once a mooo... (Pause) Share my testimony? Not very often. (Pause) Every time?

(Pause) Heavenly Father? I think I'm beginning to understand. I guess we don't really need this phone, do we? Maybe I was too eager to hear the calls that I THOUGHT were important and that mattered in my life.

I know, Lord. I am so very sorry. (Pause) No, I agree, once a month, that's nothing at all. Could I call them in between, since I love the phone so much? (Pause) Good idea? Thanks, Heavenly Father.

(Pause) Can I study the lesson? Of course, I can. (Pause) Can I pray with my companion? Yes, Lord, for help with discernment, love and caring. Yes, I can do that. (Pause) Can I be cheerful? Cheerful, Lord?? Oh I see, they don't need to know my aches and pains do they? - That's not why I visit them. Yes, I see. (Pause) Can I show that I care? Oh, I'm sure I can tr--- (Pause) I'll get better at it as I do it more and more? Just be cheerful? (Pause) Can I show compassion? Well, it's been a long time... (Pause) Yes, I do know that Jesus has shown me the greatest example of compassion. (Pause) Can I show commitment? (Pause) Dedication AND commitment? Oh, Heavenly Father, I'm going to have to brush the dust off of those two.

For how long? (Pause) For the rest of my life?

(Pause) Aaaah, so that wasn't President Dubbya and I don't have to go to the White House for the next 4 years? But, I.... (Pause) Oh, you were just giving me a test? And Steven Spielberg? (Pause) Mmm... you too?

(Pause) How do I feel? Very small. (Pause) What? The line seems to be breaking up... what did you say, Heavenly Father? (Pause) That's how I'm supposed to feel - VERY small? (Pause) Have to lose the attitude? (Pause) And the gossiping? (Pause) And the one-upmanship? Yeah, you didn't have to remind me about that one! (Pause) The procrastination? Well, the last week of the month is still IN the mo..... (Pause) doesn't look good? Like I'm just getting around to them and fitting them in? Of course I can change that.

(Pause) Wrong with my knees? No, not really. Yes, I can still get down there.

Okay, so what you're telling me is: ahuh

attitude - check
preparation - check
prayer - check
discernment - check
testimony - check
commitment - check

(Pause) What was that? The line's bad again... you're very faint… What was that? The greatest is what? Can you repeat it slowly? L - O - V - E. LOVE?
Yes, I will love them all... every moment. No, I thank you, Heavenly Father. Yes, I won't forget - with LOVE. (Hang Up)

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